My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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