Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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