Your face is a jimmy john
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
