Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
