He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
