Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
smell my finger.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
