Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
