3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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