It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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