Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
