sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is the high leading the old right now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
