im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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