I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
