I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
