so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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