I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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