try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
