We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
