she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
