I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
