dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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