Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
