I faked an abortion last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
