I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize