so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
