i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
