I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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