Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
