I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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