i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
