I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
