Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
