Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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