But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
