When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My dick has a subreddit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
