Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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