He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
