whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
