i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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