i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
