I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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