3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
