She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
