Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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