If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
