But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
