Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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