I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
