My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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