Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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