We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
