Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize