Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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