Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
