Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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