According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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