Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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