Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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