College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
