Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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