idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
