ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
