i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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