Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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