If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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