i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
