the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize