he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
