why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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