I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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