I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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