Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize