I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
In America we eat man semen.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
