Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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