Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize