guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
