white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
