they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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