I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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