I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
