he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
