we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
