I need help removing her.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
