when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
