I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you had me at cake vodka
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
