Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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