Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
