I will die if light touches me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize