You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
