If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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