What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
