I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
