No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
