Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
