we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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