I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
