I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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