I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize