I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
