just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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