R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
