The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When are your genitals available?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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