there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to calm my uterus...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
