if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
