no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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