yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
