We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
