it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
