i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
